God! Why can't i stick to a routine to blog.......!!!!!!!

I alwayz tell myself i will be more particular now and blog sincerely and then i get caught in the whirlpool that is life and forget about it! AHHHH
 ok ! since my last blog lots of fun things have happened like ,.....some great parties, new dresses, new discoveries ( like back stabbing colleagues in the disguise of friends!) ,a new house etc etc etc.
plus i could help 3 kids who had dyslexia ( of class6) and that felt really good and useful.

right now i am in a know-your-emotion phase where i am trying to figure out my triggers.
what makes me happy, really happy , like "forget-the-world-happy"....still  dont know that, what irritates me is this lack of knowing.....coz all "self-help-gurus" say that you must do that thing that makes you really happy ......but i do not know what makes me really happy .

at different points of time, different things made me happy!

Teaching students in a class
teaching my own kids
lecturing
holding a workshop on Learning disability
tending to my potted plants
enjoying a cup of coffee in a cafe all by myself
monotony bores me
routine saps me
backstabbers/gossipers drain me

so what do i do ?
sit in a cave,   where do i go ?
which job is for me ? creative, motivated but hates monotony:)
doesn't seem like a good employee profile though huh????

learning to flow------says my spiritual friend and guide, Anju.........that's what i have to do.....go with teh flow.......whatever that means

home, kids, career..... a perennial tussle

hiiiiiii, i am again caught in the classical dilemma ...,kids ,house or jobs! I guess for me kids and house won , coz i cannot see them going down the drain and unlike my other super moms i can't manage both.......but still when i happen to chance upon some old pal who studied with me and they ask innocently "hey , what r u doing these days?" i get all perturbed and kind of feel a bit of a "loser" in life, coz of all the degrees i managed to get ( albeit temporarily) and then again its back to the old grind!

Yet i do manage to do some "contractual" teaching so i can  keep in touch with my subject and get to go out of the house plus i love to teach! its like a performance in front of a live audience.....45 minutes of sheer joy...,.just love it
if the class is good the audience tells u and if it is bad u can make out. what a challenge to keep them interested for the entire period and for the whole academic year. awesome experience! ( hope my students can say the same)
guess i am not such a loser after all:) LOL

Life .......lost, confused, just moving on.......

God ! I am so "not blog savvy".....but i swear i will try and be more regular now. Infact , i thought this is a nice way to document my life and just pour out all the agonies, troubles and of course niceties......if internet survives the "end of the world/" then maybe my daughters can read it too.

Anyways coming back to life.....last year was awfully busy!I did my M.phil and 1st year MA and also 2 courses in LD from SNDT(Mumbai+Morris Foundation) and RCI ( New Delhi).
When the time comes i will be able to help young kids with LD.
Kals and Vaids ( my gals) are doing well.

I have not taken up a full time ,regular job coz i want to spend time at home as well. i like my job at Bhartiya Vidyapeeth and it also gives me time for my LD remediation work. Yet i feel so lost and sad........
i do not know.....something is amiss.
There is this sense of despair ( O BTW , my hubby is good and no probs there:)) yet ........that feeling of sloth, despair, depression, lack of direction....God knows why?
Maybe i need to connect to my spiritual self a little more. That's the only thing I have lessened in teh last year.

plus i do feel that despite all the degrees and the UGC NET I have not achieved what i could.

We just finished a huge programme in the Army ,which comes once in 4 years.....was very busy....but it felt good....3 days 8 parties whoa!:)

Despite everything ....life just seems to roll on without any goals to achieve( and i am a typical A type) and
i feel very helpless if i do not have any goal to reach, nothing to achieve......maybe that's why God just wants me to learn to just roll on.................
Just go with the flow....

Hey blogging feels really good:0), must do it more often.