home, kids, career..... a perennial tussle

hiiiiiii, i am again caught in the classical dilemma ...,kids ,house or jobs! I guess for me kids and house won , coz i cannot see them going down the drain and unlike my other super moms i can't manage both.......but still when i happen to chance upon some old pal who studied with me and they ask innocently "hey , what r u doing these days?" i get all perturbed and kind of feel a bit of a "loser" in life, coz of all the degrees i managed to get ( albeit temporarily) and then again its back to the old grind!

Yet i do manage to do some "contractual" teaching so i can  keep in touch with my subject and get to go out of the house plus i love to teach! its like a performance in front of a live audience.....45 minutes of sheer joy...,.just love it
if the class is good the audience tells u and if it is bad u can make out. what a challenge to keep them interested for the entire period and for the whole academic year. awesome experience! ( hope my students can say the same)
guess i am not such a loser after all:) LOL

Life .......lost, confused, just moving on.......

God ! I am so "not blog savvy".....but i swear i will try and be more regular now. Infact , i thought this is a nice way to document my life and just pour out all the agonies, troubles and of course niceties......if internet survives the "end of the world/" then maybe my daughters can read it too.

Anyways coming back to life.....last year was awfully busy!I did my M.phil and 1st year MA and also 2 courses in LD from SNDT(Mumbai+Morris Foundation) and RCI ( New Delhi).
When the time comes i will be able to help young kids with LD.
Kals and Vaids ( my gals) are doing well.

I have not taken up a full time ,regular job coz i want to spend time at home as well. i like my job at Bhartiya Vidyapeeth and it also gives me time for my LD remediation work. Yet i feel so lost and sad........
i do not know.....something is amiss.
There is this sense of despair ( O BTW , my hubby is good and no probs there:)) yet ........that feeling of sloth, despair, depression, lack of direction....God knows why?
Maybe i need to connect to my spiritual self a little more. That's the only thing I have lessened in teh last year.

plus i do feel that despite all the degrees and the UGC NET I have not achieved what i could.

We just finished a huge programme in the Army ,which comes once in 4 years.....was very busy....but it felt good....3 days 8 parties whoa!:)

Despite everything ....life just seems to roll on without any goals to achieve( and i am a typical A type) and
i feel very helpless if i do not have any goal to reach, nothing to achieve......maybe that's why God just wants me to learn to just roll on.................
Just go with the flow....

Hey blogging feels really good:0), must do it more often.